Monday, June 18, 2007

~Dr. Appointments Today~


Well today at 10:00 am I will finally get my last drainage tube out. YIPPY SKIPPY.....11 days is LONG ENOUGH!!!!


AND.....at 10:30 am will be my first visit to my Oncologist Doctor.

Today I will find out what kind of chemotherapy I will need, when I will start and for how long I will have to take it.


I am starting to get COLD FEET and I said to Bob this morning....I was all okay with this at first but NOW I AM STARTING TO GET SCARED. I CHANGED MY MIND......(it is a woman's prerogative to do that you know) and

I DON'T WANT TO LOSE MY HAIR,

I DON'T WANT TO BE TIRED,

I DON'T WANT TO BE SICK.

I didn't sign up for this and I don't want to do it.

I think the whole reality of all of this is finally sinking in...

Please don't think for one minute I haven't had my MELTDOWNS and CRYING SPELLS....because I have!!! I'm just don't want to think about going to get my first chemotherapy treatment.....It's already making me sick to my stomach....Amy

18 comments:

one blue egg said...

amy honey? you will be ok YOU can do this, my ma felt the same way and you're going through exactly the same steps she took... the first treatment is scary, but you'll get through it, you will lose your appetite but you must eat, even water did not taste good...my mom lived on watermelon for awhile she said it was the only thing she could manage, the only thing that didn't burn her mouth ...the hair?:( yes even tho you know like my mom that soon you will lose it, the first sign of it is not easy, my mom cried....then you know what she did? she shaved it completely off! said it was easier to just shave it off rather then watch it fall off! I thought she looked pretty chic bald actually! She bought some really cute wigs! look online..even ebay....she wore pretty head scarves too! YOU WILL SURVIVE AND MAKE IT THROUGH! remember to EAT remember to drink and remember above all else that this will not last forever! Big hugs to you I know how you feel, my mom went through all of those same mixed emotions, so be strong! xo

Camie M. said...

Bless your heart! You have every right to be mad, sad, ticked off, scared, etc. That just means you have a LOT of fight left and you WILL get through this. Just please continue to allow the people around you to dote on you while you focus on relaxing and getting well...no matter how stir crazy you get. Hang in there missy! Love ya bunches, Camie

one blue egg said...

http://cgi.ebay.com/ALLURING-NEW-STYLE-BLONDE-MIX-WIG-WIGS-TRRC-24B613_W0QQitemZ170121134816QQihZ007QQcategoryZ60188QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

ok I'm not even losing my hair yet, but....I tell ya what even I am tempted! go have a look there are some amazing wigs out there! LOL! you can try every look in the book and color? don't even get me started! can't stop thinking of you this a.m. with your last post* will await your doctors visit results... this is just a temporary bumb in the road...brighter fun days ahead! xo

Shelley said...

Dear Amy, I can't begin to know how you must be feeling but I do know God is able! He has blessed you so much and he will not leave you now . I am sure the days ahead will be very hard but remember who will be there with you giving you the strength to go on .Remember the poem about the footprints in the sand. When we can no longer walk or stand it is in those times he will carry us . Be encouraged !
God bless you , You are in my prayers !

inspiration=creation said...

Amy hang in there girl ... lots of people praying for you .. Me being one of them!!!

Judy said...

Amy, I know you will get through this, you are such a strong lady and so far you have done wonderful. I'm sure you will have your bad moments but good ones will come soon. Have you ever thought about having your hair cut and made into a wig? My thoughts and prayers are with you today and all your blog friends will be holding your hands when you get your treatmens. Remember we are all here for you and we all love you. Lots of love and hugs.

Missy said...

Hey, Amy! Don't forget that you have already made it past the surgery part of this with flying colors. And I have to say after seeing you Saturday I think you look fantastic! Karen and I enjoyed visiting with you so much and you are and will always be our same loveable, irrepressible Amy! Like someone else said, the chemo will be a bump in the road - and just look at what you have waiting at the end of all this - good health and good fortune to enjoy with your friends and family. And from what I hear, chemo has come a long way and some people aren't phased by it as much anymore. Karen and I (and all your countless other friends) will ALWAYS be here for you. Hope you get good news today. Love Ya!!! ~~~ Missy

ShabbyInTheCity said...

Or you could make a locks-of-love donation before it falls out...but it may be too short for that...

I am thinking about you and praying FOR you. Hopefully in the Fall all of this will be only a memory and you can move forward knowing you are strong and well!

Lallee said...

I'm glad to see you are able to be honest about how you are feeling. I'm thinking about you and continuing to pray. Think of the chemo as your friend rooting out anything hidden that needs to go.
Hugs,
Lallee

~Becca~Bluebird Rose said...

Hi Amy! Just want to give you a hug today......
(((((hugs)))))
Your Friend,
Becca

cityfarmer said...

I know plenty of women that have "chickened out" at the last minute...it can be a nasty thing...I believe in my heart that I would opt not to go...I am so sorry to say that I disagree with chemo being a friend...I guess as long as we're all being honest here...whatever you do, you'll do with flying colors...what a lady!!!

MJ said...

You do what you need to do, Amy, whatever that may be. As a French song says, "Dans la vie on fait ce qu'on peut, pas ce qu'on veut" which, translated means, "in life we do what we can, not what we want". Here's a written hug to give you strength...

Jerri said...

Amy,
I hope and pray your appointment went well. I known this all seems so overwhelming, but take one day at a time, one step at a time. Also, your tribute to your father was so beautiful.
jerripinkpassion.blogspot.com

MaryB said...

I have to say that I honestly don't know how you are feeling. But, I can be here for you and give you a shoulder to lean on when you need one, no matter what decisions you make. You have many, many people standing behind you willing to just listen.
Big Hugs
Mary

ellen said...

Many people are sending messages of care. Some of us have not had to go through the scare of what you are going through. Please do believe that whether we have or have not, we send love, caring thoughts and concern..that we do hold you in our hearts and that if any of us could do something...well, we would be there in a heart beat. I hope that prayer, thoughts and words make a bit of difference.

BeachysCapeCodCupboard said...

We're still praying for you, dear Amy! You've come this far, and the next step will be a memory too!

Ele said...

I prayed for you during your surgery and will continue to do so. I am sorry for this difficult journey you have, but I can tell you are strong. You are honest and that takes a huge amount of strength!
Ele

Lori @ Katies Rose Cottage said...

Amy ~
Trust in the Lord with your worries and anxieties and he will carry you through ~ Lots of hugs and prayers to you precious Amy !!!