~I am sick of being sick~
I don't even know where to start, I am sick once again, the stomach flu started Christmas Day early evening and am slowly getting better.
I have truly given my breast implants plenty of time to adjust and all of that. It has now been over one year since I had the actual implants put in and 18 months since I first had my bi-lateral mastectomy. OH SO MANY THINGS THEY DO NOT tell you when you have breast cancer and get implants.
I don't even know where to start, I am sick once again, the stomach flu started Christmas Day early evening and am slowly getting better.I have truly given my breast implants plenty of time to adjust and all of that. It has now been over one year since I had the actual implants put in and 18 months since I first had my bi-lateral mastectomy. OH SO MANY THINGS THEY DO NOT tell you when you have breast cancer and get implants.
My implants are after just 12 short months ALMOST COMPLETELY CAPSULED. No one ever told me about that side effect. On a scale of 1 to 4, 4 being the worst, my right breast, the one with the cancer, is at a scale 2, 2 and 1/2. My left breast, the breast that didn't have cancer is at a scale 3.
I cannot even begin to tell you how much I want these out. You know that kernel of popcorn that got stuck under your tooth and you can't get it out. THAT is how my implants feel, and it's getting worst everyday.
I can't even begin to tell you how PISSED OFF I AM that they didn't tell me that this could happen and that NO IMPLANT IS SAFE.....WHAT IN THE HELL ARE THEY DOING???? YOU ARE GOING THRU CANCER AND THEY ARE SO QUICK TO STICK A FOREIGN OBJECT IN YOUR BODY AND TELL YOU HOW GREAT IT IS GOING TO BE???? SALINE OR SILICONE, IT DOESN'T MATTER, I AM MAD AS HELL!!!!
10 days and counting......I will once again GO UNDER THE KNIFE......this time, at least 2 hours, to have my breasts cut in half, the implants taken out of the MUSCLE that has formed a capsule over the implants, then hopefully, he can STITCH the muscles back together and take off tons of skin (including the NIPPLES and TATTOOS that NEVER TOOK) and stitch me up.
I am seriously starting to think that maybe my IMPLANTS might be the reason for my continued pain in my back and leg, my madness and spurts of depression, my continued unhealthiness and seeming to NEVER GET BETTER. I also have constant pain in my entire chest, sternum and shoulders, which continue to get worst every single day. I have shooting pains in my hands and fingers that just started all within the past 6 weeks.
So PLEASE PLEASE, if you can find the time to say a little prayer for me. I AM SCARED TO DEATH to GO UNDER ONCE AGAIN. You know how I am about that, I am having horrible dreams that I die on the table. I am going to IOWA CITY, to Dr. Cram, one of America's TOP 100 Plastic Surgeons. January 9th is my surgery, in the morning, and I will keep you updated. I don't mind being flat-chested, I just WANT THESE IMPLANTS OUT....
HAPPY HEALTHY NEW YEAR TO EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU!!!! God knows, I am ready for a healthy year!!!!
Love and Hugs, Amy
Love and Hugs, Amy
47 comments:
Dear Amy,
I am so sorry that you are having to cope with all this stuff again. I think you're right to remove the implants. I will be praying for you and that removing the implants will solve the pain problems and that you will feel your best again.
Lots of love and hugs, Susan
Oh Amy.......
Dear Heavenly Father....guide this woman of God through these weary days....give her the stamina to endure and fight like she is so good at.
Wisdom to the surgeon and staff and peace and joy to her loving supporting family.
Health and prosperity in this new year.
In the name of Jesus, Amen
Amy, I will be praying for a wonderful outcome for you. And, the beginning of a blessed year of health, happiness, and prosperity.
~elaine~
Amy!! Oh my gosh! I am so sorry that you have to go through this sh*t. No one talks about this side of breast cancer and someone should! I'll be saying prayers for you. I hope that this surgery will bring you some relief from all of that pain. I hope 2009 will be your best year yet! Hugs and Love, XOXO
Amy,
Your poor thing, it just never seems to end for you. You have gone throught more then any human being should.
I hope you have a speedy recovery and then on to a wonderful New Year.
My heart goes out to you sweetie. Hang in there, better days are coming!
Hugs, prayers, much love ~Mary~
Hi Amy, I am so sorry you have to go through this. My heart just breaks. I hope everything goes well and you are feeling better in no time.
I'll be thinking of you. Sending lots and lots of hugs.
Wishing you the best.. Prayers will be ongoing for you..
Amy, I am so sorry that you have been in such pain from the implants. I will be praying for you and that you will soon feel better. Love and Hugs, Pat
Amy-I'm sending my most positive thoughts your way. I cannot even begin to imagine having to put up with this on top of everything else.
Please be a spokeswoman after all of this is finished. Make your voice heard for the women who come after you and are approached to have the same procedure done.
Tell your story loud and clear.
Make a difference.
You are an inspiration.
-Johanna
Thank you for sharing your terrible experience as a warning to others.
I have a close friend who is facing a mastectomy and your experience will certainly influence her decision on reconstruction.
Good luck with your surgery and please keep us updated with your new look.
Hopefully a plastic surgeon will close so that you will have minimal scarring and a lovely flat chest.
This woman has no 'chest' but looks great
http://www.flickr.com/photos/sentenced2live/
Dear Amy,so sorry you are having to deal with this and suffering such pain from it. I pray all goes well with your surgery and you will soon be on to a compleate recovery. You will be in my thoughts and prayers....
Blessings,Shelley
Amy, I am sorry that you are going thru all this. Sending out my thoughts and prayers. And my love.
I will remember you in my prayers. Have a Blessed and Happy New Year.
Lisa
Oh my...I am so sorry you are going through all this. Maybe you are having an allergic and adverse reaction to it..I am glad that you are going to have them taken out then if they are that much trouble. I will say a prayer for you. I will pray for God to guide the surgeons hands...Hang in there...it WILL get better....
Hugs...
denise
Amy,
You will for sure be in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry to hear about that....ugh. I was flat chested before I had my babies and I wouldn't mind it again one bit. I know how you feel about going under...but you are STRONG and we will all be holding your hand.
HUGS,
Robin
Lord,
Please touch Amy from the top of her head to the soles of her feet. May she give over every shred of fear and anxiety to you and may your peace wash over her. On the day of her surgery, may the surgeon's hands be Your hands and every piece of the implants be completely removed. Bless the hands of all of those who will be caring for her and may she make a full and complete recovery, giving you all of the praise and glory.
May Amy trust wholly and completely in you, Lord.
In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Amy,
I haven't been by in awhile and was unaware of the problems you are having...my heart and prayers go out to you...
I will pray for you....Betty
Oh Amy girl ~ I am so sorry that you are having to go through this ~ I knew that you have not been happy with some of the stuff that has gone on but I didn't really know what all it was ~
I will be praying for you that you will do great during the surgery and afterwards and that you will be feeling better soon ~
I agree with what one of the other ladies said and that is to be an advocate for women who don't know ~
hugs sweetie !
Lori
Oh dear Amy, this all sounds so painful and downright miserable, but hopefully this upcoming surgery will be the beginning of real healing and health. I will be praying for you, especially on the day you go in. Sheri
Just stumbled across your blog via cityfarmer (Joy). I'm so very sorry to hear of the pain and anguish you are dealing with. I will say a prayer for you and that all goes well. Keep strong, keep praying and keep faith. Hugs and prayers your way.
D-
Amy,
Please feel better soon!!! I think of you often and how much you have been through in such a short time!!! Flat chested is not bad at all!!!! You can jump rope much easier :)
Amy
Oh my sweet little chick, I understand completely how you feel. Sigh.... I had foot surgery over a year ago and I would NEVER EVER do it again. No matter what the doctor said. My toes he fixed do not balance me anymore and the pain will be there forever. I'm many years older than you but it just isn't something I'd recommend or ever consent to do again. I hope all goes well with you. I truly will pray for you and a full recovery. I've wished my whole life that I could have a flatter chest, honey! It ain't all it's cracked up to be, trust me, honey.
Smooches,
Connie
Amy,
I am sitting here steaming with you. This is so not right. You have been through enough! I will be praying for you sweetie, and praying hard.
XOXO,
Dena
Shit, kiddo, isn't that a crappy deal? Just what you needed...not!
Although I have used you as a wonderful example of how to deal with this stuff, I guess you will now become our horrible warning...
I'll pray that all goes well, that you are soon on the mend and feeling like Amy again. You just do what you can to get there!
Prayers for you and your family,
Jan in PA
Amy,
I am so sorry you are still having health problems after all you have been through. I hope you will be a help to other women having to go through this to make the right choices. I am sorry you weren't given the truth to help you decide & have to go through all of this reconstructive surgery only to have so much trouble. My thoughts & prayers are with you as you have your surgery & I hope this will put you on the road to feeling better soon. You are still an inspiration to us all! Much love & best wishes Amy that your health will be restored soon.
Amy, My prayers are with you as you go through this terrible time. I am so sorry you are going through this; but thank you so much for warning other women of the dangers. Blessings to you and for your peace of mind and spirit.
Sandra
I just came across your blog post via the Thrifty Gypsy, and I wanted to say that I will add you to my prayer list. I am hoping the best for you. A close friend of mine had a double mastectomy at 33 and has had her implants replaced once already. I agree that women are not given enough information before making this choice. Best wishes to you for a full recovery and a life free from the pain you are suffering now.
My God Amy.... How horrible. You have my prayers for a complete recovery!!
I pray for you to have a Healthy New Year!!!!
My arms are around you with "HIS" !
Marilyn
So sorry about your implants and upcoming surgery. I wish for you a pain free 2009. I'll be back to see how your doing. Best wishes, Esther
I had one removed but choose not to have implant. Feels really stange.after hearing your story and more like it I am so glad I choose the path I took. My fake boob cost $250.00 and it works for me....wishing you well in your surgery....alot of things you are not told with this disease. Until you have walked in our shoes you cant really know...God Speed
Amy, I will be praying that the surgery goes very smoothly. I applaud your courageous decision. Your brave and spunky personality continues to inspire. Thanks for sharing your personal ups and downs. May 2009 just get better and better for you.
Hi Amy,
I wanted to drop by and see how you are doing. Hope all is going well.
Thanks for sharing your prayer needs with us. Be assured that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Know that you are in God's loving hands and all will be well.
Amy, I am so sorry you have had such trouble. Praying all goes well post surgery and you will be feeling much better once you heal.
Big hugs,
Lallee
I just happened onto your blog and see that you have surgery tomorrow...you will be in my prayers and best of luck to you...Bless your ♥! Hang in there...
i am really glad i stumbled onto your blog. i have been tossing around the idea of reconstruction, and your account really helps me see another side. i will be saying proyers for you and hope that January 9 is the road to wholeness for you.
I am sending you loving and positive thoughts dear friend! You will be fine and home before you know it. God is in you!
Love, Lori
Amy.
Good Luck and prayers for you on your surgery, tomorrow.
~elaine~
Dear Amy,
I am with you today...thinking of you...sending all my positive thoughts and prayers your way...I have the date of your surgery in my calendar, and from here will be with you.
EVERYTHING WILL BE OK!!!!
TRUST ME!!!
You have a lot of good people praying for you, my dear!!!!
A BIG KISS & GENTLE HUG!!!
Solange
Amy you have my hugs and love and yes I will send my prayers your way I think of you often. may you find peace with this next operation dear friend.
Lee-ann in Australia
Amy, You poor thing, that sounds like a nightmare. I always have a funny feeling about having a foreign thing in my body. I know you are doing the right thing, and things are going to be fine. I will pray for you and your totally recovery.
Dear Amy....you are in my thoughts. Reiki sent. {{{HUGS}}}
Oh Amy, I had no idea you were going through this - will include you in my prayers. I can only imagine your anger - and worry.
Hugs,
Joy
xo
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