Tuesday, July 17, 2007

~A MELTDOWN DAY TODAY~

~I AM NOT HAPPY TODAY~ ~BUT I AM TRYING~
~WHO SAYS DR. EVIL DOESN'T HAVE A TWIN~
~EVERYDAY MORE AND MORE HAIR FALLS OUT~

I am not really happy today, I am having a MELTDOWN!!!
I am getting sick to my stomach and I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO CHEMO tomorrow. I cry at the drop of a hat and I just want this to be over with. I finally started to feel "normal" last Thursday night and thru the whole weekend only to have to start all over again feeling yucky, sick and tired.
I don't care that I lost my hair, I don't care that I had to go thru surgery and reconstruction those are nothing to me compared to having to go thru this stupid chemotherapy. It's like self inflicted sickness and I am starting to get really upset that I even have to go thru this.
I think I have been thru enough.....I'm already tired and I feel like I haven't even begun. It just SUCKS.......that's all I can say today....I DON'T WANT TO GO!!!! I just want to pull the covers over my head and wake up when it's all over with.
~Amy~

17 comments:

Jerri said...

Dear Amy:
You have every right to feel the way you do. You have been through a lot! Maybe if you think the faster I get the chemo the faster it will be over would work. I will think of you tomorrow and may be some cheer will come to you.
Jerri
pink passion

cityfarmer said...

I just cannot imagine this turmoil...I will now quit complaining about my herniated hangnail....live to you

the other amy said...

yup yup:( this is when it gets really really hard...you're feeling and SAYING the exact same thing my mom would say...just as you start to feel normal, off you have to go for another treatment:( hang in there amy... only a few more treatments to go!
xo the other amy

The Urban Chic said...

Amy,You have every right to be angry, but don't let the "demons" win. What you need is a dammit doll that you can punch and curse at when you feel like that. I can't imagine how you feel, but I am here for you if you want to punch and curse at me-lol. Praying for things to get better. Hugs, Pat

IsabellasCloset said...

Oh dear Amy, Bless your heart.. I was wondering when you would fell like this. I knew it was comimg. Yes this REALLY does suck! I hate that you must go through all this. You have ever right to be sad, upset, and mad.. Go punch something (but not Bob or Maddi LOL).. Wish I was there to give you a big hug, here are some cyber ones {{{{{{AMY}}}}}} and wish I was right beside you to cry with you :-{ I know it's not fair, life is not fair! Wish I could make it better for you. ~Mary~

Sharon Kay said...

Amy..I hope the next day or so goes fast for you and you have a right to be upset and angry. I will count the days with you till you are finished with all this awful stuff. When some day you look back at all of this as only a long ago memory........Sharon K

Anonymous said...

Oh Amy, a big hug to you sweetie.

Anonymous said...

Oh Amy....hang in there....what a difficult time...how many treatments are there??? Did they change it from last time when you were so sick???
I pray peace and comfort for you and yours tomorrow!
Blessings to you, Dianntha

Anonymous said...

Amy, I'm so sorry you feel bad already. When i say I can relate, I mean it. You are so right when you state self inflicted sickness! It was very hard for me to stick my arm out there and let them feed that awful stuff into my veins knowing that I was going to feel so horrible! But Hey, it is for a reason, a very good reason so that next year at this time you will laughing, loving and have fun! I love you and if you need me please let me know. Love you, Donna Foege

BeachysCapeCodCupboard said...

Much love to you, Amy! Remember how much we all love you, and think of you, and are saying prayers for you!!!

Solange said...

Amy....Big hugs and prayers for you! I hope you feel better soon!!!
Chemo is not fun! From personal experience I know why you feel the way you do.
((((Amy)))) Hugs from NY
Solange

~Becca~Bluebird Rose said...

(((((Amy)))))
Thinking of you......

MJ said...

I haven't gone thru what you have gone through but can only imagine, based on what you have written. I am so sorry that you are going through this. Perhaps keeping focussed on why you are doing this: to go into remission and to see your girls grow and live. I hope that gives you strength to do what you decide you have to do...

carole said...

Amy Dear:
$%#*&(*_%T^%$&^
that *%#$%+* chemo!!!!
Oh, sh*t, there I go cussing again. I am not as brave as you my Friend!!!
Kick chemo's a**!!!
Big Hugs
carole

Stacy's Shabby Shoppe said...

Amy ~

Onward and upward! Kick that chemo's ass!!! (*_*) Sorry, I had to say it like that!

Stacy

Gayla said...

I am so sorry you feel this way. I have an idea to borrow from someone who gets chemo with a dear friend of mine getting it now. My friend is an elderly gentleman, and he said a young woman there gets out a little lap quilt to hold every time. On this lap quilt are little momentos and packages sewed all over it. One spot has a little cub scout patch. One is a little cloth sack with cut up credit cards. One is a pinned on recipe. One is a little cluster of buttons. My friend's wife asked what was the significance of each patch. There were about twenty I think. The patient with the quilt said she had asked her family, friends, and children to think of something she could sew on a little lap quilt she already had to remind her of them....because she was so scared at chemo and so miserable. Then every time now she touches a patch and counts to a certain number, spends several minutes thinking of that person and saying a little prayer for them. By the time she gets across the whole little quilt, her chemo is over. It really seemed to help her. I thought since you are so lovely at heart and in spirit AND so crafty, that might help you. And you could put one on for your sweet Daddy,too. I am thinking of you. I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but you are fighting and KILLING this cancer, and then you will be feeling so much better, this will be behind you, and life will be back to normal. Big hugs. Gayla

Joy said...

Oh Amy, my prayers are with you sweetie and please know that every day you get through is a like badge of honor. You will have conquered it. Positive thinking sent your way and huge big hugs! Stay strong and always feel free to vent your true feelings like you have. Your friends and family are here to support you through thick and thin.