Saturday, September 22, 2007

~Hanging in there~

~Hanging in there~


~I made it thru Chemo # 5 with a few blown veins and some nice left over bruises and I am already wiped out, Maddi was home sick yesterday with a head cold and slight fever, but by the end of the evening she was doing better, that's a good thing!!!~

I think I am more happy to know that I just have ONE LEFT and then I am done. I did have a bit of a meltdown before going into chemo as my oncologist said I might want to go to The University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics to talk to the top breast cancer radiologist there to see about having radiation.
We had lots of stuff to think over along with medical documentation that Bob sifted through (Medical lingo I don't understand) and I am not going to do it....so, no appointment to Iowa City next week and I actually have a higher percentage of having heart failure or getting Leukemia from the chemotherapy than I have getting the breast cancer back from not taking radiation. SO, that has put my mind at ease!!!! And I can honestly say, mentally and physically I could not bear the thought of having to drive down to Iowa City every day for 6 weeks to get radiation treatments. I JUST CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE....I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!!!

So, the picture you see above is not so glamorous....It was taken the day before Chemo # 5....It's AMAZING what Cancer does to a person, not only in the physical outward look of a person, but to a spirit, to a personality, to the outlook on life as a whole. I'm not quite sure what I'm suppose to be doing with my life, I think I have something I am suppose to do with going thru this cancer, but I haven't figured it out yet. I know this for sure....It sure has made me less quick to judge, less quick to complain or criticise, and made me love and respect people more than I ever would have....It has given me an appreciation and love for people I didn't even know and those that I do know. It has been an AMAZING JOURNEY and most of all, I have seen THERE REALLY ARE WONDERFUL GOOD PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD WE LIVE IN!!!
KEEP SMILING....LIFE IS GOOD....

BETTER TO HAVE GOOD DAYS, THAN NO DAYS

~Amy~

36 comments:

Anonymous said...

THIS is the face of CANCER! This is the face I knew when my ma was struggling through it towards the end of her treatments..THIS is the look of reality, the look that scares us all to the core- Amy, I think you have come out of this amazingly:) stonger and wiser, my ma said the same exact things you have just said, tho she did take the radiation...someday soon dear amy, say 6 months from now..you will look at this picture here above and will see no resemblence to the healthy amy you look at in the mirror, with your hair growing in and your color back, I think your decision is a good one...& just one more lousy chemo and then? It's all up hill from there!! yahoooo! You should be very proud of yourself Amy, You have been so very very strong & brave beyond words! xoxo! the other amy

Iowa Gal said...

Anonymous said everything I was going to. Hang in there and someday we will compare pictures and when you do you are going to be so proud of yourself because you went thru it and come out the other side. I finally figured out how to get thru here. Take care dear friend. Remember if you need to vent we ARE ALL HER FOR YOU!! Your friend from northwest Iowa..

Missy said...

Hi, Amy! You know how you said you are sure there is something you are supposed to be doing with your life going through this cancer, but not sure you know what that is....I have one idea. You have been a constant inspiration to all of us out there. Your willingness to share this intimate experience with those of us who may face this one day, have gone through it, or had a loved one go through it, is an enormous help to so many people. We marvel at your strength and your outlooks. We are sad when we see the pain we know you must be dealing with. And we feel triumphant for you when we know you are having better days, and now knowing you only have ONE treatment left. Then you can begin to heal and feel like yourself again. If you never accomplished another thing your whole life (which I know, of course, is NOT how it will be), you still would have helped so many people through your blog, pictures, etc. So many of us love and respect and admire you. Of course, we did before the cancer as well, but you have given a new voice to the fight against this terrible disease, and helped so many in the process. Love ya! ~~~ Missy

The Urban Chic said...

Amy, you always amaze me with your strong outlook. Your spirit shines in that picture whether you think so or not. As the other said, you will look back at this and come out a stronger person. I too see things in a different light now----butterflies, flowers and people are beautiful to see everyday. One more to go and then that up hill climb will be easier. Somewhere over that rainbow is the beautiful day you have been waiting for and deserve. I know I don't know you personally but I feel like you came into my life for a reason---never lose that spirit--you are a shining blessing for women every where. Hugs and Blessings, Pat

Anonymous said...

Anonymous 10:46 said it all Amy. We are all here for you ready to give you the encouragement you need. You are a very brave woman Amy and just knowing you are in the world makes it a better place. As always, prayers for you and your family. Many, many, many hugs!

She'sSewPretty said...

I see a brave, wonderful woman when I look at your picture. You are an inspiration to me every time I "see" or "hear" from you. Hugs!

Vicki Palmer (Pink Pearl Girl) said...

Amy,
Glad you are almost over this chemo ordeal. Shine on Amy because you are a star in the night giving us all hope to face whatever comes our way tomorrow. Shine on Amy you are the sunshine giving us strength to know we can make it through this day. Shine on Amy because you show us love and concern even in your worst days which will soon be behind you. Thank you Amy for allowing us to be a part of this journey. You have touch our hearts and brought us laughter & tears and we are the better for it. Shine on Amy!!!

Judy said...

I admire you so much and am so very proud of you and the way you have handled everything. You are so beautiful inside and out. You are an inspiration to all women. Lots of hugs and love..

Iowa Gal said...

Friends, even your friends thru your blog are Gods way of showing you , you don't have to walk alone. Your IOWA FRIEND.

Solange said...

Amy - I have always said you are beautiful inside & out!!!
Still praying for you every day...
Every day you are getting closer to being 100% ... Just a little more time, sweetie!!!
All my best!
Solange

Gayla said...

Amy, Hooray! Only one more treatment. I am so very happy for you about that. It has been such a tough summer, but now with the cool first day of autumn, you can look forward to a healing winter and a spring full of rebirth and joy. I think you are such a sweetheart. I don't know that I think you have to search for a purpose for all this pain and suffering. I believe you have given us all your love and encouragement during this time, and you are definitely an inspirational person. I think God wants nothing more than our love and our willingness to make every day a walk with him... to accept his gifts freely and not to stress over what this and that is "for." I do not believe God "sends" death and disease, cancer and pain to anyone, although He allows it to happen. I know that whatever the reason you've had to deal with this, you have found a way to glorify God through it all. We should all do as well. My friend who had cancer, chemo, and is a twelve year survivor, doing fine says it was a time in her life when she rethought her relationships to her community and family. She is clearly beautifully healed although she did have depression after the chemo a bit... And what a giver of love and support she is... I am so humble and appreciative that you are so good and gracious to all of us, too. I think of you and say little prayers for you all the time... God bless you, sweetheart!

Anna said...

Amy thank you for being a wonderful strong example to all of us.You made me realize how many things that upset me are trivial.
Today is important.A smile is important.And you my dear friend are precious.

carole said...

Hey Girlie:
I see a hairless headed ANGEL!!!
I see a Mommie that is loving.
I see a WIFE who is kind.
I see a DAUGHTER who is sweet.
I see a FRIEND who is/and always thinking of others.
I see a GENEROUS human being that I really am glad I know.
You know I am seeing TRUTH about YOU!!!
BIG LOVE
carole

Jan said...

Amy, when I looked at your photos before chemo, I thought you looked beautiful.

Now when I see you, you ARE beautiful.

peace,
jan

MaryB said...

Big hugs to you Amy! Get plenty of rest before your "last" treamtment.You are always in my thoughts along with Linda.
Love,
MaryB

Sweet Remembrance said...

Amy...
Love you & sending you hugs and well wishes to you and your family!
Priscilla

Lori @ Katies Rose Cottage said...

Amy ~ I am reading all of these beautiful comments with tears streaming down my face ~ I am not sure what to say that hasn't so beautifully been said about you dear sweet Amy ~ God will not be taking you on this journey without making something amazing out of it ~ You are an inspiration to all of us who lovingly are praying for you and reading about how you are doing daily and for those who may have just seen your courage for the first time ~ You are a precious and strong woman and I am honored to be able to get to know you through this journey ~ I can't wait to all have a celebration when you are done with the chemo and feeling better again !
Prayers and Hugs Amy !!!

Sweet Cottage Dreams said...

Hi sweet angel! The first post, from the other Amy, is spot on. You are brave, you represent what the poisonous chemo does to a human being, how the "look" changes your entire self. I want to reach through and HUG you and tell you that you are far more brave than I would be. Really! Your courage is commendable!! How many of us would post a picture of ourselves withour hair, dark circles under our eyes and no makeup? You are beautiful Amy, inside and outside! I just love you! xoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxo, pixie giggles and pumpkin hugs,
Becky

Sweet Cottage Dreams said...

Hey sister...one more thing...did you get the "girls" enhanced yet? Vavava-VOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!

giggling here in my chair....

Becky

Lori said...

Much love and wishes for the grand moment you walk out of your last chemo treatment!! You are our hero and pillar of strenght! Now after this treatmnet let those tears of joy flow!!! They will be happy ones finallly!!!! Love and hugs, Lori

Angie said...

God bless you Amy! I'm reaching through this network of wires and invisible super highway to give you a HUGE hug for sharing your story, your struggles, your frankness and ultimately your victory over cancer. We breast- healthy women need to see and hear what can be in store for ANY one of us at ANY moment. Some rewards are not meant to be received in this lifetime...but you have many banked many deposits for another lifetime...many, many years from now. Eyes forward beautiful gal ~ you will be past this before you know it. Truly inspired and thankful to have found your story. ~ Susie

Joy said...

Amy, that thing you are supposed to be doing - you are doing it now! You are a beacon of light for others who have had - or will get cancer. You are an inspiration and you are teaching so many people. Keep up the good fight. You inspire me every single day.

Love and big fat bear hugs your way...

Joy xo

FarmHouse Style said...

Amy, as I look at you I see the face of strength and endurance. One day you will know why you had to travel this path, but for now, take care of you and hang in there.
Rhonda

Mary said...

Hello Amy, I got all my goodies in the mail from your give away :)
Thank You So Very Much...Love the music sheets,snowman card,ribbon,gold leaves and tiny pink beads:)
Hopes this finds you having a better day. Thank You Again...
Hugs, Mary:)

diana said...

cyber hugs to you sweet amy... from the bottom of my heart... for the gifts you give your friends... joy of life, honesty of life and true friendship ! xoxo

Lallee said...

Amy, you are precious through all these chemo phases. I had the count wrong on your treatments. Now it's just one more. You are so close to the finish line now~not far from all the symptoms getting less and less. You're a brave girl and so inspirational to so many. Sending you more hugs.

Lallee xo

IsabellaCloset said...

Amy, Please try and hang in there..like you said only one more Chemo to go. Then lets hope and pray it's a road to better health and feeling good again! I know how it sucks being in pain and not feeling good..
Hugs & Love to you my sweet friend. ~Mary~ :-}

BeachysCapeCodCupboard said...

You're such an inspiration, Amy, and I think we all can learn from your heartfelt words!

quiltdoggie said...

Amy ~ Amy ~ Amy ~

You are the most beautiful woman, inside and out, and I'm so proud to call you a friend, and I do mean that sincerely. You ARE going to get through this, Amy. I just received an email from Leanne, and the two of you amaze me. You have more strength than I could ever ever have. I love you very much, truly I do, and pray for you each & every day. . . . .xoxoxoxo P

Anonymous said...

Amy,
When I saw your picture, I'll admit, I balled like a baby. It reminded me of my husband's battle. Like so many others, you are strong and determined to beat this, and there will soon be a victory smile on your face. To know you, even if only via the internet, is a honor. I am looking forward to your trip to California next year to finally meet the most courageous girl I know.
xoxo - Nancy

shabby chic said...

Hi Amy,
Have just stumbled across your blog and read through. Looking at all the pictures , I was really touched, sitting here with tears streaming down my face that you are going through this tough time . I send you my love and just by reading your blog , I have learnt a few things .
I love your art / craft room . I hope you can do some crafting and switch some music on loud and sing even though you may not feel like
it

x from England a little town called Brighton

I will check in again soon , sending you loadsa love x

PAINT MINE PINK said...

Amy Dear Amy, Everything IS and will ALWAYS be beautiful about you. You are an amazing lady and strong to boot. You hang in there sweetness and come out the over side kickin some serious cancer ass!!!!!

Hugs to you,
Shann

Stephanie said...

Dear Amy, you are a constant source of inspiration to us all. I feel so much better days that I visit your blog & see you have posted something. You have been given a wisdom & strength that some of us will never have. Just remember you only have 1 more stinking chemo to go, then you can start to reclaim your life. There are so many of us that are always here for you, praying for your health each day!

My daughter got to finally stop by today & see the wonderful Bride Pin Up that you sent. She had fits over it!! Your talents are far-reaching!!

Hugs, Love, & Prayers,
Stephanie
Angelic Accents

Genevieve Olsen said...

You are amazing,hang in there.I cannot imagine what you must be going through. You are an inspiration!!! Somedays I just do not feel like doing anything and then I think of how how you are working so hard to get through this and that you still manange to do so much !!!

BittersweetPunkin said...

I will include you in my prayers and my talks with God.
May God BLess You
-Robin

Bren said...

Amy,
I heard about on quite a few blogs before I ever came here I heard what an inspiration you were and how loved you are.
You have a great outlook and have so much to teach others about loving and living.

I will keep in touch via your blog.
:) Bren