Monday, August 13, 2007

~Emergency Visit to the Doc this Afternoon~

~READ AT YOUR OWN RISK......I AM VENTING!!!!~

~Yes, as Louie sings, "It's A Wonderful World.....I still think so, deep in my heart...but NOT RIGHT NOW~
It started early last night....I am Sick to my stomach, low grade temperature, my bones feel like I am getting the flu, nauseated, cold sweats, shakes, mouth sores going down my throat, diarrhea and now constipation. Not to mention my sternum is about to explode and I have a migraine the size of Texas!!!! NEED I SAY MORE????

Just got back from an Emergency visit from my Oncologist, my white blood cell count is taking another dive....down to 3.0 already, I am dehydrated and need anti-biotics. They wanted to keep me there but I said, NO, we have kids that need to be places and stuff that needs to be done. (it sucks that Mom is gone to Minnesota, my other help is out of town and right now all we have to run the kids is Bob, big kids are at work and ex's won't help either<---Don't even go there with me on this one!!!)
....YES I AM VENTING as I don't feel good and I am tired of all this crap....You know, when you don't feel good, things just seem to be magnified and worst than they really are...I just wish for one day, someone could trade places with me and see how many times I have SMACKED A FRICKIN' SMILEY FACE on myself and said, "I'm okay, let's keep going". I am so sick and tired of feeling like crap more days than not and trying to push how MAD AS HELL I REALLY AM about this whole cancer thing back into some deep dark buried box I think is buried in the backyard, that I WANT TO SPIT, SCREAM or PUNCH SOMEONE!!!
THERE, I said it, No Grace here.....just right out said it.....I think it sucks too that IN LESS THAN A YEAR, I have had to deal with cancer, with both My Dad and now ME.....IT'S A BUNCH OF CRAP and I am P.O'ed!!!
SOOOOO.....they agreed to let me come home, DRINK TONS OF WATER, take the anti-biotics here at home and go to bed. I have the next 12 hours to get myself better or I am going to end up in the hospital.
And, well, I am JUST MAD AS HELL RIGHT NOW!!!
Hotter than a Hornet~Amy

25 comments:

Missy said...

Hi Amy! You have every right to be angry, and it is good to let that out. I don't know how you hold up as well as you do all the time, girlfriend. I, for one, would have buckled under the pressure a long time ago. I just wanted to say that don't count your friends like me out as sources of help when you need them. I have a fairly light schedule this week, and am perfectly capable of running errands or whatever you need done. Please just pick up the phone and call me if there is anything that I can do - ever!!! We are always here for you my friend. Now rest and try to stay out of the hospital, but it is there if you need it - and so am I!!! ~~~ Love, Missy

Judy said...

Hi Amy, I wish I lived closer so I could come over and help. You have every right to be mad and if it was me, I would have been throwing things long ago. Please rest and do what the doctor says so you can stay home. I'll be thinking of you tonight. Lots of love and hugs.

PAINT MINE PINK said...

Amy, you feel free to yell and scream, you have every right to and dont you ever apologise for it.
You have come this far and you are strong and kind and a fighter above all.
You hang in there and stay out of hospital ok.

Sending hugs over the oceans to you.

Shannon xo

carole said...

Amy Darlin:
What a good friend Missy is!!!You know I would help if I did not live close to you : (
Anyway rag all you want and you can e-mail me and tell anything : )
Love & Hugs
carole

daisy cottage said...

((((((((((((Amy))))))))))))))



xo,
Kim

Mary said...

Dear Sweet Amy, You can vent all you want...I am so very sorry that you are having a horrible day and feel like Puppy Poop!!! Texas is pretty big, so I will talk soft for your head.
My Mother had Cancer. She chose not to go through the Chemo. (still had a terrible time) She was 85yrs. when she died. I understand how much you miss your Father.(Miss mine too) No life is not fair. There is not anything I can say at this moment, except you have a Beautiful Family that loves and needs you, and a great group of woman that are Praying for you every single day with the hope of making your days a little easier...So if you want to scream go ahead. But keep fighting back anyway you can...Just know that God does Love you and so do we. Soft Hugs {{ooooo}}Mary

Counting Your Blessings said...

It's so understandable! I don't know how you've been able to be so cheery thus far. In fact, it's one of those things I've wondered about late at night =) On your own, it's too much I'm sure. Rely on God (easier to say than do but if anyone can, it's you and your determination). Put away any thoughts that bring sadness or overwhelming feelings as soon as you recognize it and then "think on these things...whatever is true, noble, pure, lovely..." (Phil 4:8-9) Praying for you... Polly

Arlene said...

Let it out Amy, it is normal. I for one, do not know how you have done it so far...I don't think I would have been so brave. Vent all you want here, girl, we are here for you! Hope things start looking up soon.
xoxo

Anonymous said...

Honey, you have every right to be angry...let it out, then just try to take it easy. You have been so brave and you are a fighter. You will get thru all of this. You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. Cheers and smiles to you Amy.xoxoxoxoxoxo

Anonymous said...

Hey Amy!

I just read your blog, and I would have called you, but it is 10:20, and I am afraid someone at your house is asleep. I also have a pretty light schedule this week - I only work on Wednesday. SO, let Missy and I know if we can be of any help - OK?! If I see that you have called when I am out, I'll check with Missy, or give you a call back. :)

Love You!
Karen

Camie M. said...

God Bless You!! At least you still have FIGHT left in you! You be as angry as you want...you have every right! You'll beat this cancer right into oblivion where it belongs!!!
Sooo wish I could be there to help and kick those ex's in the #@& ! =)
BIG Hugs, Camie

She'sSewPretty said...

Amy,
I hope you're in bed now. There's nothing wrong with being mad at the world! There is no justice with cancer. If there were, sweet people like you wouldn't get it! Cuss, holler, rant and rave...I'm just thanking God that you're still here to have a big temper tantrum!!
Love ya!

Becky said...

Girlfriend! Dern it! I want to come over and give you a hug and just let you vent. This is a huge stepping stone in life. Don't sweat the EX stuff. She is a mean person with no heart! You just take care of the most important person and that is YOU!!! YOU YOU YOU!!!!! Glad you vented! Be pissed off, spit nails, be barking mad!!!!!!!!!!...but remember, you need to relax and breatheeeeeeee...... xo, Becky

Anonymous said...

AMY,
GET LOTS OF REST!
PRAYING FOR YOU.

Anonymous said...

Amy,
please get reat, and you'll be back in the hop, and skipof things before you know it!
Chris

MaryB said...

You be angry, spitting, fighting, kicking mad. Nobody here in blogland expects you to be cheerful everyday, sometimes you just have to let if out. Then when you feel you've gotten rid of all that anger, rest....
Sending you big hugs!!
MaryB

gcrewz@windstream.net said...

Dear Amy,
I have been reading your blog and praying for you ever since your wrote you had cancer. So many in our family we have lost to that hated thing!! But we also have some that are still with us and are fighting the battle for the second time. I just want you to know there are soo many praying for you and we won't stop! You are not alone ever! Take care and God keep you in His hands. Ginny

Sweet Remembrance said...

Amy Sweet Amy...You have a right to be angry! I am angry for you and every other person that has been struck with cancer! I HATE it...I am so sorry for what you are going through...I wish I was close by to offer if nothing else some help with your kids! God bless you & your family...

marylou said...

Good friends are like stars. You don't always see them, but you
know they are always there:)
Hiya Amy:-)
We are all here for ya..anytime ya feel like gettin' angry DO IT!! Let those festering ill feelings out of your body!! You are going thru so much right now BUT please KNOW we ALL admire you and care about you more than you know!! Keep that thought in your heart dear one:)
Hugs, Marylou

Lori @ Katies Rose Cottage said...

Amy girl !!! You get as mad as you want because darn it, you have every right in the world !!! It is a good thing to vent because you can't keep it all inside !!!
Lots of hugs and prayers that you will be feeling better soon~

Anonymous said...

Oh Amy....it's okay....we all have bad days and you are having a very bad one....wishing you a shower of blessings! Dianntha

Lallee said...

Awe Amy~sending lots of hugs your way. Praying you get better numbers today and can remain at home.

Lallee

Lori said...

Amy, I love the fact you KNOW you can vent with us!!! I hear you my dear friend when we feel like total S--T everything is dumped on us! I say BRAVO for staying home! You'll be more comfortable, Well Hopefully! Hope you feel alittle better soon! And hey you can B---H all you want, after all you've been through! Love, Lori

The Urban Chic said...

Dear Sweet Amy, Wish I could do what you are doing and just rant and rave about things. You have every right to be angry and we are all here for you to vent. Hugs, pat

ShabbyInTheCity said...

I totally understand. Can't wait for it all to be history for you.